I knew I should've made a map
by LoonarFeenicks
Summary: The TARDIS seems to be on the fritz. Rose and the Doctor are lost together, and Jack's getting more and more sober!


**I knew I should've got a map...**

A small slightly fluffy fic about Nine and Rose. I am quite surprised about this, because I don't write romance. Ever. For serious.

Parts with the good Captain Jack are dedicated to Kattius, who is probably the one who pushed me to this. Darn it Kat! You and your obsessions!

WARNING! Read at your own peril. My romance stinks. Seriously. This was written quite quickly. Don't expect a masterpiece.

'Ave a good giggle.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Doctor, Rose or Jack. Wouldn't mind Jack and the Doctor... I don't own the TARDIS either.

Well, here we go.

* * *

The Doctor wandered around the dark corridors of his TARDIS, fiddling with the sonic screwdriver in his pocket. He was worried. Something was going to happen. There was a disturbance in the Force. 

He cursed to himself for thinking that. He pulled out a pen and a piece of paper which was titled 'What I will never let Rose make me do again.' He leant against the wall and added to the long list 'Take me to the cinema to see Star Wars.'

The TARDIS was on the fritz again. The last time this happened, it was almost the apocalypse. He had been running on the ceiling for four days, last time, looking for a bucket for the mop he had been carrying for some reason.

Rose, meanwhile, was unknowingly heading towards him, looking for the pantry full of McCain Micro-Chips (this was another item on the Doctors list. Number 12 actually) with a burning urge to use them in the microwave and then blow up a marshmallow.

The leather jacket-adorned Time Lord, a few yards away from the blond Brit, was now sourly adding to his piece of paper 'Make me clean the toilets with a toothbrush just so she can...' but before he could finish, he saw her coming around the corner. "Oh cra- I mean, hiya Rose!" He grinned innocently, poking the wall with his sonic screwdriver while he hid the pen and paper in his pocket.

Rose smiled back. "Hey Doctor. What are you doing?" She looked at him with on eyebrow raised, even though she had seen him do _much_ weirder stuff with the little metallic object.

Like trying to fix the toaster with it. Needless to say, recklessly prodding a toaster with that nor _anything else _will not make it work. Skipping many hours of pain, misery and sore fingers, in the end, the toaster got bored and imploded.

Rose had then suggested that they should go to Comet, but the ever persistent (and rather mad) Doctor was against it. So they no longer had a toaster, and jam was therefore deemed unneeded, because of this lack of cooked bread. All bread was fried or thrown into the time-space vortex.

"Oh, what? Can't a Time Lord poke a wall with a sonic screwdriver any more?" He panicked slightly, hoping she hadn't seen the list. There were a few things on there he really didn't think she should see. "I miss those old days when we would sit around the fireplace and poke it -"

"Okay!" Rose shouted to stop him from any more ramblings. "I get the point. You're up to something -" Jacket boy cringed. "- but you don't think I need to know. Could you show me where the pantry is? I'm dying for chips."

The Doctor sighed in relief. "Sure." He lead her back the way Rose had come from, left, left, right, straight along and left again. "There." He said triumphantly by a door.

Rose grinned. "Thanks! I really need -" She opened the door. "- your bedroom?" She stood back. "Doctor! You cheeky little...! I need food!" She stormed off.

The Doctor himself shrugged. "Fine. But I felt sure this was it..." He shrugged again and entered.

After about half an hour, in which time he had been sorting his sonic screws, the door was opened again, and in stepped Rose, looking slightly peeved.

"Grr! I'm so hungry! I've been looking for those chips for ages! I can't even find the control room or Jack!"

The Time Lord looked up at her. "Haven't seen him. Besides, he's banned from my room, and he knows it."

"Okay, whatever." Rose shifted her weight from one leg to another. "Look, I'm _starving_, so can you just help me find some chips?"

"What about Jack?"

"He'll turn up somewhere. He's probably drunk."

And so, a journey of epic proportion was started. But what of the good Captain Jack Harkness? Where was he?

He was, in fact, looking for the kitchen.

Rose's comment was only half true, as Jack was only really half drunk. He had been searching for the kitchen, where a good supply of drink was kept. It had been moved from the pantry, which was now filled with little chopped up potatoes in cardboard boxes, waiting to be nuked.

"Damn." He cursed gently. "Next time, it's going in my room. And staying there." He dashed off, passing the control room, Rose's room, his own room and the control room again.

"I was just here... I went this way..." He followed the path on which he had just gone down. "And I ended up here." Looking up, he saw again the mucky walls and console of the control room. "DAMN!"

Meanwhile, on the search for chips, the pair were getting rather miffed.

"Rose, why don't we just go back to my room? We can try and find my sonic hammer and wait until the TARDIS has stopped all of this."

"No!" Rose cried angrily. "I'm starving! I'm wasting away! I need my chips!" She dropped to the floor.

"Aw, don't be like that." Jacket boy rolled his eyes. "We'll find it eventually. Come on, we haven't been _this_ way." He took her hand and led her down the corridor. "Don't cry. I haven't got any tissues." He turned out his pockets.

A small piece of paper dropped out.

A button did as well, but that's not important right now.

"Whazzat?" Rose bent down.

The Doctor froze. _Crap. _He thought. _She's gonna tear it up so I won't remember what I can't let her make me do._

The blond smoothed out the list and read all the way through Numbers 1 to 26.

"Um..." The paper shook slightly.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" The panicked Time Lord grabbed the list and ran off.

Rose remained standing there, baffled and confused. Especially by number 18, 'Make me eat a whole canister of whipped cream.' (There was a side-note to this, 'There's only so much whipped cream a Time Lord can take.') She giggled. She burst out laughing when Jacket boy passed her in the corridor and began to chase him.

"Get back here you!"

Jack didn't seem to be having as much fun. So far he'd found a tiny Dalek which squeaked 'Exterminate!' when he prodded it, a paper clip and a very mouldy marshmallow. This wasn't good. He was getting sober.

He gave up his mad dash and thumped the console. "All I wanted was some drink." He muttered sourly as he slid down the wall.

But where he had given up, the other two were in a full sprint. Panic had turned to something very odd.

Rose jumped at the Time Lord and landed on his back. "Gotcha!"

He ran into his bedroom (the easiest room to find in their current predicament) and plonked her onto his bed.

"Right. Now where's that sonic hammer?" An inane grin appeared on his face, where it belonged. He plopped beside Rose on the bed and leaned over. "Not hungry any more?"

"Nope."

And so, this tale ends with romance, a sonic hammer and a sober Jack.

**Les End.**

* * *

Well, there it was. Sorry if it isn't brilliant, but I did explain at the beginning. 

Poor Jack. Sober. Sober! It's so wrong!

Reviews are appreciated greatly. Flames will be given to the tiny Dalek.

Any plushies are excepted.

Thanks for reading!


End file.
